This morning I was scheduled to lead staff devotions at school. I wrote a short personal narrative to read at devotions (I think that is my new venue for expression) - so here's what I wrote last night and said this morning:
"It is 10:38pm and I am leading staff devotions tomorrow morning. I have no clue what I - a first year high school teacher, 25 year old rookie could say that would encourage or spiritually uplift anyone else on my staff. To be honest, I am completely burnt ou. Tired. Physically aching day in and day out. Feel weighed down by the pressure of writing a difficult - but not impossible - exam for my students, and then grading them all before report cards are due.
As I sit her wondering what it is that God would have me say to the other teachers tomorrow, the word "faithfulness" keeps coming to mind. And the verse in the Psalms that says "Your faithfulness stretches to the skies." That word faithful is what I would use to describe God's abiding love and grace to me this past school year.
When I didn't understand how the schedule worked because it literally changes every day, or who to set up a classroom for the first time, God was faithful. When a paretn was upset because of their child's grade - God was faithful. When I was physically hurting but didn't know why - God was faithful.
It seems that at the very moment I didn't think I could keep teaching - God was faithful. God provided. He provided students like Clint, Patrick, Joi, and Brittany (the list could go on) who made me laugh or gave me words of encouragement. he provided wisdom from other staff like Mr. Hoekstra or Ms. Dilley or Mrs. Valencia when I didn't know how to deal with a grading or curriculum issue. God provided enerty and renewed passion at the very moments I felt most empty.
I don't that's all an accident. I look back and see that it was at my weakest moments that I was closest to my faithful God. He desires that we draw near to Him in all circumstances, and will be faithful in exactly the way that we need it.
What's your "God's faithfulness" story? Could you look back over the past school year and see glimpses of God's provision and steadfast faithfulness? My humble encouragement to a staff much more experienced and knowledgeable than myself is this: take a moment before summer to document ways in which God has been faithful to you this past school year. I have found that when I am broken, hurting, and an utter mess - it has been encouraging to look back and read about how God was faithful to me in the past. Reflect on and document the faithfulness of our God - you might be surprised at how many pages you could fill."
After staff devotions - the day seemed to take a sharp downward turn. I won't go into the details, but let's just say I am emotionally exhausted. BUT - it was today that I received three - count 'em - three written encouragement notes from - get this - students. No joke. After 5th period, a letter written (completely in Spanish!) encouraging me to find joy in the few days we have left of classes. Then in 7th period two girls had done a little art project - a drawing of a rose - and wrote beautiful words (in English) telling me how much they appreciate my teaching. And finally - I have this student who always pops his head in during my 7th period because he has study hall. He always asks if there is anything he can help me teach (funny kid...mentioned above), and today he came in and handed me a folded notebook piece of paper. On it, he had written an encouragement note - telling me to "keep my head up". Classic. Our God is faithful.
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