I tell you what. No matter how good things are going in my life, somehow I still find myself discontent at the end of the day. I have so so so much to be thankful for, and I am thankful, but I just feel a sense of discouragement with my job lately...do you ever feel like that? I am sure everyone feels like this sometimes...but it seems that almost daily I have this sense of dread. I am researching grad school programs and emailing lots of people, thinking about filling out applications....but the thought of researching, writing a paper, and getting a grade from someone ELSE sounds terrible, if you know what I mean! Ha! One of my friends told me last week that sometimes you have to just allow yourself to be in a dark time. Did I already post about this topic? As I am writing I have a sense of deja vu (is that even how you spell that word?)
Over it all, I know that we serve a great and awesome God. I have to remind myself that I am here in this place at this time for some higher purpose. It's not about me. It's about His Kingdom. And I get to play a part in that....I just wonder if He's trying to make me unsettled for a higher purpose. Maybe I am supposed to feel this way because there is something greater out there for me to be doing. But for now...I guess I'll just wait. I like the song called 40 by U2. It's based on Psalm 40 and says something like this:
I waited patiently for the Lord, He inclined and heard my cry.
He brought me up out of the pit, out of the miry clay.
I will sing, sing a new song.
I will sing, sing a new song.
How long? To sing this song.
How long? To sing this song.
How long, how long, how long, how long....to sing this song.
And so I am patiently waiting.
ALSO....if you are reading this, would you please pray for my brother Joel in Nicaragua? He's been feeling sick for a few days...and if you know Joel at all...the guy never gets sick. So please please please pray for him if you think of it. Thanks! Also feel free to post a comment about how God has shown up in your life when you were in a place of unrest/discontentment, etc. so as to remind me and other readers that God is faithful. I'll be on the lookout and report back soon too. Because God is faithful, and I believe He will show up and give me unexpected joys and minutes of contentment if I patiently wait on Him.
Buenas noches, readers.
1 comment:
I really feel that this is something that a lot of women struggle with - me definitely included.
I know I especiall tend to feel this way in my relationships...I get discouraged and feel that complaining spirit coming on frequently.
I think you are speaking more about your circumstances in life, which God may be about to change...so that is different than my issues.
But, either way, I know that God is longing to be our fulfillment - regardless of who or what we have or don't have in our lives.
I find that if we embrace the suffering we can draw closer to His heart and know that none of it is in vain...because of course He has plan to prosper us, to give us a hope and a future.
And, I think your friend is right,too. There are just going to be those more difficult seasons. I know you're seeking Him though. I know you desire to do his will and I'll be praying for a clear sign as to what you are supposed to do. Love you.
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