God has done it again.

This morning I woke up at about 5am. Unintentionally. Laid in bed thinking about graduate school assignments that need to get done. Thinking about poor decisions I made yesterday during a conversation with a friend. Thinking about my physical pain because of RA. Thinking about my sore throat and wondering if I have vocal nodules again...and how that is going to work with my overload teaching schedule this year. All these things. Running through my mind this morning. At 5am. It was a low point. I took the advice of my pal Megan Zwier who told me yesterday, "You can't get anything done if you lay around in your pajamas all day. Take a shower, park yourself at Starbucks, get some coffee, and do not leave that place until you have accomplished something." Thank you, Megan. That was helpful yesterday, and today. :) Instead of starting right away on grad school this morning, I found myself clicking on this sermon and watching/listening to it again. I read Jeff Manion's book "The Land Between", have listented to his sermons on the book, and this morning felt I needed a re-listen. It was just what I needed. This morning what struck me was this: We may not get to choose what happens TO us, (unemployment, a break-up, vocal nodules, RA, chronic fatigue, etc), but we get to choose our RESPONSE. Ha! Did you catch that? We are GOING to go through hard times ("The Land Between"). We are. It's inevitable. In Jeff Manion's words, "We live in a broken planet," so it is to be expected. Yep. Then in that space of hurt, pain, confusion, whatever...it seems like such a natural reaction to (insert your go-to emotion here). For me, it seems natural to go into depression mode. I start to feel bad for myself. "Why am I 28 and single? Why am I 28 and in chronic pain? Why do I have vocal nodules if I am called to be a teacher?" Yeah, welcome to my pity party. Sheesh. Pathetic, really. What if the space that I so desire to escape is the exact place where God wants to develop my trust in Him? (Jeff Manion's thought, not mine) God so badly cares about the condition of our HEARTS, that when we go through a hard time, He asks us to trust Him, to lean into Him, to pray. The exact opposite often can happen, though. "The Land Between can be a greenhouse for growth, or it can be the place where your faith goes to die." WHOA. I have heard that before, but it seems God has done it again...convicting me to stop, search my heart, and make a choice to trust in Him...again, instead of choosing to depress. Easy? Nope. But in the sermon, JM reminded me that how we choose to react in the land between at age 28 will impact the condition of my heart at age 58. Again, WHOA. One last thing. I have learned that I need my solo time. I have also learned that I need healthy community. Thanks be to God, for He has provided exactly what I need. I'll just give a quick run-down of the ways that I have experienced the love and grace of God in community lately: ice cream outing with friends, Bachelorette ("The Final Rose") viewing party with chicas bonitas, phone date with Karen, conversations with my roommate, dinner with Brittany Lane, coffee with Jenna, phone convos with Megan Z, dinner with the Fab 4 and Megan Moore, and tonight....the 2012 Opening Ceremonies party. Here's to transformational growth...