An ode.

Big day tomorrow. Well, for me, at least. I'm turning 29 years old tomorrow! How did that happen? Oh wait, I know how that happened.......18 years living in the great state of Minnesota with the Kleinsasser bunch, then 4 years and a few summers rockin' it in Grand Rapids Michigan with a few semesters/interim weeks in other countries, then 6.5 years out in sunny California! That's how it happened! So I guess I should take this time to reflect on my life...since, you know, it's been a year since I have done that. The thing is, I am in a super great mood tonight - mostly because it is a holiday today - a Monday holiday. Which means..I just had a three day weekend of BLISS. Can't complain too much right now (just wait until, oh, Thursday...I am sure I will come up with something...or someONE to complain about!) So for now...here is my ode. (ode? Is that what you call it? Ode to Joy? Isn't that a song? I think I played that on the oboe once....) I could not be more thankful. No, the past year has not been all roses and chocolates, although I do take in my fair share of the delicious food group that is chocolate. Nope, this year has been full of major...I mean MAJOR ups and downs, highs and lows. Many moments of pure joy - making it to the end of a school year at a new place of employment, spending time with some quality friends, a ton of time relaxing at my parent's lake house in Minnesota, standing up for Noelle and Rick in their gorgeous wedding, and a million conversations about how I need to grow, change, transform, and really rely more on Christ. If I were to sum it all up - that is the crux of it all, becoming more reliant on the One who knows my deepest needs and can actually meet them. I often find myself wanting and expecting other people to meet those deep down needs that I have as a human being. I want people to really HEAR what I have to say - to listen to the WHOLE story all the way through - to look at EVERY single picture of my beautiful nieces and nephews...and people disappoint. They do their best, I know that for sure, and I am thankful for every one of them...but at the end of the day, who is really going to get me out of the self-loathing and depressive pit that I find myself in time and again? JESUS. That's the only one who can make miracles happen in my life - and He does! He really does! Just when I think I have reached the end...the place where I know I cannot go on another day (this would be the "downs" I mentioned earlier), here comes Jesus, sweet, loving, grace-filled Jesus. He says to me, "Al Pal. Guess what? You don't have to get it all together right now. Why don't you just rest in me for a minute? Open up that Bible ya got over there on the shelf. Read for yourself what I think of you! You're my kiddo! You think you love your family members and your friends? How much deeper is my love for YOU." It usually goes something like that, and my heart begins to do this transformation (well, Jesus transforms it for me...I actually don't do anything to help) and all of a sudden self-loathing, negativity, and depression turn to gratitude. Gratitude for the realization that THIS IS NOT ALL THERE IS. Because of Easter morning, my dark nights and gloomy days will one day be erased by the glorious light that is Christ and the life I will live with Him. FOREVER. Gratitude. I could not be more thankful for these 29 years of life. I took my Bible off the shelf this week. That doesn't happen as much as I wish it would. I began to re-read the first two chapters of Hebrews because my new church home is doing a series on it, and I wanted it to sink in a little deeper. As I was reading Hebrews chapter 2, there was a reference to Psalm 16 and it made me curious. I turned a few pages (or a lot of pages) back in my Bible and began to read these promises that I need etched on the very inside of my soul. Listen...or rather...read: "Keep me safe, O God, for in You I take refuge. I said to the LORD, 'You are my LORD; apart from You I have no good thing.' ...LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup, you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tounge rejoices; my body will also rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me that path of life: you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." Can you believe that? Did you actually read the whole thing? Go back and re-read it if you didn't, becuase you don't want to miss this! Because Christ defeated death - because God chose to adopt us into His family - we will not be shaken!!!! We will be instructed when we don't know how to proceed! We will be counseled in our darkest nights of lonliness, fear, and depression! We can rest secure...SECURE even when the world seems like it is crumbling around us (watch the news enough and it seems like it literally is crumbling...), but not for us! Instead, we are filled with JOY - in the presence of the One who has defeated the grave. Joy. Gratitude. Praise. On a firm foundation. Couldn't you just cry with gratitude? I am....! Tonight after doing some lesson planning and chatting at Panera Bread with a dear friend, I drove home and listened to a Hillsong United CD that is in my car. This song began to play, and it was all I could do but raise my hands at the red stoplight. I pulled into my driveway, turned off the engine of my car, rested my head against the steering wheel, and let the words wash over me. "There is no one like You. All my hope is in You, God." There really is no one like our God. If the reminder of Psalm 16, this beautiful song, and this "ode" are all that I receive for my birthday...I would say that I am eternally blessed. May you say the same on your next birthday.