I love blogs. But the thing about having my OWN blog is that I get stressed out about posting all the happenings of my life on a fairly regular basis...and when I don't have time/am not motivated to post for awhile...I start to feel guilty. As if people are going to get frustrated that I told them I have this witty, creative, fun, and adventurous blog and then I don't actually post anything.
That aside...there is SO MUCH to blog about. I honestly do not even know where to begin. I kind of want to start from today and work my way backwards through spring break in Jackson, Mississippi (still a little confused on the abbreviation...I think I wrote MI once and afterward realized that is the abbreviation for Michigan. Duh.)
I so desire to give my Jackson trip justice in my writing about it....so I don't think I will post anything on it yet. I still need to mentally sort through all that I experienced there and then really write a good post (there I go getting all worked up about making sure my posts are like...awesome...as if I am getting judged for a "Best Blogs on the Web" contest. Lame!)
What I do want to write about is this amazing book that my bro and sis in law in Nicaragua sent me. I am sure they had no idea when they sent it how much God would speak to me through this book. I love good books that make you think, and re-read and underline and write notes. One of my favs is Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. That guy rocks my face off, and if he lived closer/was younger/super guapo...I would date him. Anyway......the book J&L sent me is called "The Gift of Pain: Why we hurt and what we can do about it" by Philip Yancey and Dr. Paul Brand. When I opened the package in the mail the day it came, I about dropped the book on the floor. What I didn't realize is that God has a message for me in the midst of all this physical pain I've been dealing with for the past 8 months - and He will use any means possible to communicate it to me. And the other thing about this book is that I started reading it right before Jackson, then brought it along with me, and God totally used the book to help me during my time there. Sounds weird - but there have been times while reading this book that I literally stop and read the entire passage to a roommate (or anyone within earshot) so as to express my awe at whatever the authors are saying.
OK - this is going to sound lame but I kind of feel like I can hardly do this book justice either! I am not quite finished with it, but I have seriously underlined and written notes on about every 5th page of this book - so how do I pick out the most profound? I'll give it a shot. A little background; Dr. Paul Brand studied leprosy patients in India and has thus come up with his own philosophy on pain. He says,
"We could not 'save' leprosy patients. We could arrest the disease, yes, and repair some of the damage. I began to see my chief contribution as one I had not studied in medical school: to join with my patients as a partner in the task of resoring dignity to a broken spirit. That is the true spirit of rehabilitation." (I read this on the plane on the way to Jackson, and could not stop thinking about how this principle applies to those of us working to restore social justice in broken places as well as doctors and patients)
"Acute loneliness seems to be the most painful kind of anxiety which a human being can suffer." (again in light of our Justice Journey...and in light of those who suffer and do not have a sweet blog to share all about it!)
Dr. Paul Brand's whole theory is that "pain truly is a gift" - because it forces us to stop whatever it is we are doing and thus stop any further harm we could inflict upon ourselves. Example from my own life: stop going on walks around the neighborhood when my hips hurt. If I had leprosy, I would not FEEL that pain in my hips, keep walking, and further damage my joints, bones, etc. But because I feel the aches pains on a daily basis, I am forced to slow down, talk quieter, get more rest, ice more, stretch more, etc. If I didn't have the pain, I would, in a sense, injure myself even further by continuing the activity that causes the pain! (Read the book, I am not doing a great job here...)
In the chapter entitled, "Beloved Enemy" he writes,
"Pain was good - the more potential for pain a patient had, the easier it was to keep that patient free of injury."
"...life without pain is too dangerous."
"...pain is not the enemy, but the loyal scout announcing the enemy." (!!)
"...once regarded as an enemy, not a warning signal, pain loses its power to instruct. Silencing pain without considering its message is like disconnecting a ringing fire alarm to avoid receiving bad news."
In a section about Rheumatoid Arthritis (!) he says in regards to "arthritis patients": "You have all five fingers intact. You've done a much better job protecting yourself than the folks over there with leprosy - simply because you feel pain. Thank pain. It prevents you from abusing your fingers."
I'll stop. I could go on and on and on and on about how much God has used this book to speak LOUD and CLEAR to me in regards to my pain. Mainly, to look at my pain as a way to re-evaluate the way I am living, exercising, sleeping, working, etc. And that - to me - is the Holy Spirit at work. Read the book. Especially if you have chronic pain. It will (hopefully) change your perspective on what you regard as "hellish." One last litte note. Today I got home from school, discouraged and not wanting to do anything productive. I knew I should go to water aerobics and I would feel better, but I just didn't want to go. I wanted to sleep. But instead I got up, got ready for water aerobics, had a quick snack and read my book. And here's what I read:
(doctor talking to patient with back pain (!) ) "...you can do whatever else the pain will allow you to do. According to Hansel (patient) that word from the doctor gave him a new lease on life. For the first time, he realized he was in control of his pain, his future, his life. He determined to live the only way he knew - with a sense of abandonment."
A new lease on life. Take control - don't let the pain control me. Don't let the pain make me depressed and complain about life - because it's chronic - not going away any time soon - and I have the opportunity to live my best life NOW, even in the midst of the pain. I get to choose. I get to choose to listen to the blessing of the pain signals and respond accordingly, but over it all, realize that I really do get to choose how to live, speak, act. And if I learned anything in Jackson (which you'll hear all about soon!), it is to "Live intentionally. Live on purpose. Do justice. Love mercy. And walk humbly with our God."
That's all for now. (did you read all the way to the end?) :)
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